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THE CALL WITHIN

BY Father Ernesto Montuerto, OCD

The fine art of writing always fascinates me. I dream of the moment when words can drip on the ink of my pen to say my thoughts well. Somewhere in me. however, there seems to be a refrain in the mind which keeps on hold my dream to be able to write well. Almost at the same time, there seems to be a promise that dreams do not die.

A few years ago—during my first and second Novitiate. I remember that enormous tides of inspirations used to swell around me and churned up my imagination up to great heights. My Teresian Carmelite formation moved me very much that thoughts sprung up naturally. an occurrence in my life which still amazes me until now. Friends used to thank me for the thoughts which I wrote and shared with them. I felt very secure  during that time because I wrote and communicated well.

Suddenly I lost the gift to write well. I noted that I failed in many ways to sustain and to find new opportunities to express that gift. People. places and my “external environments” did not permit my thoughts to come out naturally and creatively. By “external environments,” I am referring to the distractions and I preoccupations which drew me away from my quiet self-core. I lost the connection to that deep desire within me.

Now I have to go back to that original dictate in my heart rand allow it to animate me once again. To seek that inspiration within me again.

This situation came when I had to write a regular column in this Vocation Magazine. I am tasked to write about the search for and the discernment of a life and vocation in the Discalced Carmelite Order. This purpose moved me to choose the title of my column as The Call Within, a description of our felt need to remain connected to our true selves and the high spot of spiritual desire. If we pine for it, the call sounds like a small and gentle voice which can be heard in silence only and inside a prayerful environment.

Being connected to the call is unusual because it grasps the deepest inspirations within us to become joined to its voice. However, our thread or line into it can be snapped off suddenly or become overpowered by the impact of the forces in our modern societies. Our attention and ability to focus on the small voice calling within us will fly off with the strong winds of complaints and attachments.

To me the process of being connected to the call within us is the same with the gift of writing or being able to communicate to the truth within us by writing. Writing requires me to become connected to that inspiration within me. I have to become aware of the barriers and the distractions that will prevent its fruition. The Call Within and my writing inspiration share many things in common. In both of them, I experienced the need to become in touch with the Spirit within us!

It is this tumult which continued to stir within me when I flew to Europe for the recent World Youth Day in Cologne, Germany. Before I left. I asked Brother Vito to delay the publication of this first magazine of our new vocation Ministry Team. I felt a sense of excitement that there could be something more for me than just attending this event. During that journey, I wanted to take stock of myself before I start my new ministry in the OCD Philippine Commissariat.

My flight itinerary included drop points in other countries. The Biblical Formation which I attended in Borzee, Belgium through Fondacio brought me back to the original inspiration of my religious vocation. While there, I studied and reflected on (he Gospel of St. Mark, particularly when “the Risen Lord commanded his disciples to go back to Galilee.” To Jesus and his close friends, Galilee was the place of beautiful memories, powerful experiences of Gods love and forgiveness, the starting place of His mission. It was the place where the big events of His mission began: the encounter, the call, the friendship, the ministry.

During these trying times of my religious life in Carmel that led me on to self-examination and assessment of my dedication to His voice in the Gospel, to Jesus who is constantly speaking within me. Coincidentally. this Triennium brought me back to where I began in this mysterious and exciting love affair with Our Lord. It was a re-discovered feeling that I was going on a journey back to Galilee.

In a mountain resort in southern France 14 years ago. I received the inspiration to start discerning seriously if God was calling me to priesthood. After that religious experience, the trail led on to search-in experiences, to my entrance into Camel. to my involvement in the Youth Ministry as a newly professed friar. and so on. To look back on this trail reminded me that our loving God was always with me all through those years. His loving presence guided me in every step that I took in order to pursue His will.

The celebration of the World Youth Day in Cologne brought back memories of my active involvement of the same event when it was held in Manila ten years ago. There is one thing that is constant in all these years of my work in the vineyard of our Lord: the pastoral care of young people whether in the Parish, Formation House. and among Covenant communities. Amazingly, I am back again in guiding young people who are seriously discerning and attending search-in activities in our Vocation Ministry. This new assignment reaffirms my mission to journey with young people in their search for meaning in life; in their search for the will of God in their life.

This realization invites me to become truly life-giving (a key word in our new Vocation Ministry’s’ Vision Statement) in all my endeavors.

The call to be life-giving to the young people under my care carries along the responsibility not to betray their trust in me. During the times when they cannot see respectable authority figures in our society. I am beholden to become like the Good Shepherd to them. I am hopeful that I can guide them to the Truth and the green pasture that will satisfy the deep thirst within them. May The Call Within always lead them to our loving God.

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